He looked away from Brianna, and our eyes met. She lay sprawled on his chest, a tiny smile on her face, sucking her pacifier. Her eyes were closed and she was such a precious reflection of her dad that tears stung my eyes.
Bryan covered my hand where it lay on the sheet and laced his fingers between mine. We’d gotten sidetracked earlier when Brianna demanded something to eat and then wanted Bryan to chase her around the living room furniture.
She’d exhausted herself and we wound up lying in bed watching television.
When Bryan squeezed my fingers, I met his eyes. The apprehension in his gaze twisted my stomach.
“Aside from wanting to go back to work, I know you have other issues.” He stared at the television screen and then continued. “But I don’t think I’m ready for what you want.”
My eyes cut to him and I frowned. I didn’t understand why he was so afraid of marriage, because as far as I knew his parents had a great relationship. Bryan was so afraid of marriage, he couldn’t say the word.
I shrugged. “Maybe we simply want different things.” I waited a beat before I spoke again. “I just feel that life is passing me by and I’m not prepared to waste any more time.”
“Are you saying what we have is not worth your time?”
I studied Brianna’s face and then focused on him. His lips twisted and from the disappointment and hurt clouding his eyes, he read and understood my thoughts.
“I’m not saying that at all. I just don’t understand why you’re
afraid of commitment.”
“Why would you say something like that? I wouldn’t be here with you and Brianna if I had a problem committing to you.”
I pulled my hand out of his. “We’ve been living together for five years and the only time the-word-you-can’t-say has come up between us is when I’ve mentioned it.”
He frowned. “What are you talking about?”
“Don’t act like you don’t know. I’m not prepared to fart around with you forever.”
“You know that’s in my plans. One day—”
“One day may never come, and I’m not prepared to have you suck me dry while I wait for something that may never materialize.”
“Hold on now, do you know me as a user?”
“No, but I don’t see where our relationship is going and I don’t plan to be your baby-mother forever.”
“I don’t understand,” he said rubbing his forehead. “You’re getting uptight because our friends are getting married?”
“There, you said it, but it seems as if it’s out of bounds for us.”
“Come on, Kay, you know I’m working toward certain things, and until I get there marriage is out of the question.”
I sprang up from the mattress like a jack-in-the-box. “That’s just stupid and you’re making excuses.”
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